There is no pain you're receding. A distant ship smoke on the horizon. You're only coming through in waves, your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying. When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse. Out of the corner of my eye, I turned to look but it was gone. I cannot put my finger on it now, the child is grown, the dream is gone..

Friday, December 09, 2011

Confessions of an Insomniac!

First of all, let me inform those few people who read my blogs, that I can be the worst person when it comes to sleeping. Yep, there are a very few people in my little world who can beat me to it! I mean it. These are the things that I am best at! Eating and sleeping are my life! :P. So, now let me tell you all, something about insomnia. Okay, as if no-one knows that insomnia is prolonged sleeplessness! eyes rolling! No, what I am talking about is "my insomnia", how crazy I actually went, and what really I did! I will confess everything that I did, even though it sounds insane to the ultimate level!

takes a deep breath in..

Well, to be honest, I was a bit of a retard when it came to this topic. When I was in standard 10, we had a chapter in English about a dog named Miko who could not sleep for nights together. The crazy part is, I was fascinated by this so-called thing insomnia! Yeah! I was quite enthusiastic over it. Go on, laugh at me! I then had a fantasy, locked somewhere deep in my sub-conscious mind, (I am not talking about Inception! :P), that what if I cannot sleep? What if I suffer from insomnia? Wouldn't that be so awesome?? Yes, I was this stupid! embarrassed.

Now let's not get caught up in the reverie of those two years! :D I had long stopped thinking about insomnia and that dog who suffered. (Honestly, I never thought of that dog!:P) It was just a few days back, when it was the submissions-of-assignments time at my college. It's a thankless task, but that's what we get the marks for. What an uncool education system! sighs sadly. Getting back to the point, I was pressurized from all the sides and my whistle was just about to go off! That did not improve the state of my mind. I was under a lot of stress, anxiety and burden because of my upcoming exams. 

Then it all began, on that dreadful night. 

Night 1-
              It was 2:00 a.m., and my eyes were still wide open, like a ghost searching for someone to feast upon! I never had even the slightest notion, that my 5-day insomnia was on it's way. I tell you; I neither felt like Enrique Iglesias when he composed his album Insomniac, nor like Edward Norton when he played Tyler Durden! It was something so irritating, and it bothered me with every passing minute, reminding me that I could not sleep! So, I did not even try to turn on the lights and start studying, because I saw my two other room-partners fast asleep. The first night passed away in silence and a hope, that I would sleep the next day. Little did I know, my hopes were as useless as people's hopes for removing corruption! :P

Night 2-
              Well, tonight I really expected to get some sleep, because it had been a tiring day. I was wrong. Again, I was up all night like an owl. I did everything that a normal person would do to try and get some sleep. I listened to music for almost 4 hours, I finished up my novel, I gulped down half the bottle of a strong cough syrup (it contained alcohol! *devil's smile*), and then what?! I was still the same. Eyes wide open! So, I started playing "Angry Birds-Seasons". I lost the track of time, and cleared all the stages of that game by dawn. Clearly, I was more pissed off than those angry birds! I think it was just the 5th time in my life, that I was awake before the sunrise! :P

Night 3-
              This time I tried doing something new, for inviting sleep. I imagined myself as an actor/director of an action-thriller film, and started weaving a story in my mind. I even invented some dialogues; and to be honest, I even practiced saying them like Brad Pitt! :D! I did this till 4:00 a.m., and then I decided to text all my close friends; about my insomnia problem. After I was done with it, one of my friends actually messaged me back! We then talked for next two hours on the phone; and God, was I actually feeling relieved?! No, not so relieved that I could sleep, still! :O

Night 4-
              Okay, now this is getting really boring and monotonous as it proceeds! But by this time, I was getting totally driven to lunacy. I took out my frustration on every single person who called me, or behaved so strangely that ultimately they hung up. I yelled at random people who irritated me even a bit. I was getting nowhere. I felt like I was overwhelmed by it, possessed like a devil. I needed sleep. I craved for sleep. I envied all of my friends who were peacefully sleeping like small babies in little cradles! Yes, I felt THIS jealous! That night, I adopted one of the oldest, rotten, unforgotten and yet, the most idiotic method to sleep. I tried counting SHEEP! It was the last ace up my sleeve. Surprisingly,  I did not give up until I had counted 216 of those stupid, white, leaping-over-the-fence, little legged moronic creatures! 
Still, I was miles away from my snooze. :|

Night 5-
             By this time I had gone totally wacky. My eyes had stopped forming tears, becoming puffy and swollen to top it all. I could not bear light and I rarely blinked. I was transforming into an irrational maniac. I started doing more absurd things that night. Standing in the little so-called balcony, I saw a pigeon sleeping at around 4:30 a.m. I screamed at the pigeon and started abusing it. Yes, I was this psyched out! I blamed everything around me for my sleeplessness. My headaches had increased and I felt like someone had put a hot plate iron on my head. Every second there was a feeling of being hammered into a small ball. I had had enough. 
The following day finally stopped it all. I got a call from someone. <3! Someone most special. Someone, whom I had been fighting with, for the past 3 days. We talked and we apologized each other. The conversation lasted for about 30 minutes, but those 30 minutes were the most pain-relieving moments of my life as far as I remember. It felt so good, so complete deep inside me... as if all my anxiety and stress had evaporated quicker than kerosene! (okay, bad example.)That night, I ate in peace, smiled in peace and yes; at last, I slept in peace. Lasting  15 hours, it was my deepest sleep ever! I slept like an infant..

Insomnia was, after all, settled. It went away as quickly as it had come. I finally heaved a huge sigh of relief. 

A piece of advice, to all those people who think that insomnia is cool, it's NOT! Don't even think about it! It's no less than banging-the-head-on-a-wall thing! I hope I have bidden adieu to insomnia! 

Till the next time I confess something and screw your minds,
Au revoir! 

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

10 things I learnt staying in Anand!!

Today is one of those "I will blog about anything that comes to my mind" day! So, in this post, I will reveal a few things that my friends don't know about. After staying in the city Anand/Vidyanagar for over 4 months, I have stumbled across a few facts of those cities! To be honest, they are not exactly facts because I made them up! (But everything mentioned below is 100% TRUEgrinning! So, let's check 'em out! 

1. A life, slower than a slug!
    Yes, you read it correctly. If I were a member of some jury and had to award a city for a dull, low-spirited and moronic way of living, then this city would take the award away for everything of above! The people seem to be coming from Dilip Kumar's Mughal-E-Azam's time! Yeah! It's that bad! :P

2. 80% of the crowd goes in the majority for...
    Rockets! I don't expect everyone to understand this thing, but rockets are a completely different species (sadly homo-sapiens!), who are as non-sense as Rakhi Sawant or Kolaveri Di, and think as limited as Sallu's movies! They seem to be deliberately dim-witted and slow at talking. Since they wake up in the morning to their last piss of the day, study is the only thing that they talk about! They talk with an out-of-the-world-alien-type accent, which only their fellow brothers can figure out! Undoubtedly known for their hard work, the only mantra that they dwell on is "Live to study, study to live!" Actually, there's no mantra! I invented this thing myself! :P *shrugs*. Getting a bit off the topic, I remember an incident when I asked a rocket, who was staring at me for 20 constant minutes: "Dude, are you Gay?" His reply shocked the crap out of me: "Na bhai. Only Indian!" So, no wonder why my English has become so bad! Believe me, I did not suck this much at it! I was witty and fluent when it came to this language! Okay; *sighing* enough for these kind-hearted retards! Let's move on! :D

3. Food, my life!
    I am  big foodie! (Repeating it for all those people who were ignorant enough to not read my profile! koi nai! hota hai!) But, since the last 5 months, my taste-buds are screaming for help and for good taste! I hope they don't die eventually with pain! Yes, it's that pathetic. It's either too sweet or too spicy, too salty or too dry to swallow. It's never an all-in-one-balanced-diet package, no! Never! So, when I come to Surat on weekends, my family and friends are left surprised and shocked, when I spend most of the time eating out! Well, eating is an understatement, hogging out it is, because then, I eat like a glutton!  *Appetite for Destruction*!

4. Movie-Talkies!
    Yup! I would call them talkies, because multiplex or cimema would be an overstatement, too sophisticated! :P. The 3 movies, Mausam, Tin Tin and Desi Boys, which I saw there in the last 5 months at Fame have been some of my worst experiences. (Except Desi Boys, both of them were good movies), but coming back on the track, it seemed as though I am sitting in someone's home theater! Poor sound, inefficient A.C., screen cut from sides and bottom, bad food and mad people adds to the beauty of it! :D

5. Girls! Girls! Girls!
    I now realize the value of my city-Surat! Come on, I am a guy, and like all normal guys, I love bird watching! But, in Anand, there is no greenery, so no birds fly over there! (No pun intended!) So, cities like Surat, Mumbai, Vadodara have been so far at the top of my cities-with-the-hottest-chicks list! ;) When I come to think of it, Anand would bottom this list too! :(

6. Restaurants..
    Mouth watering, lips smacking and longing eyes when you see the food served to you in restaurants? Forget it! These things happen only in reality, not in hell! Yes, the best restaurants in Anand do not match even the most average and modest ones of Surat!  (Now, don't give me that Subway and Domino thing, they are chain-restaurants baby!) The worst part is, a Paani puri stall is rarely spotted! :P

7. The Rickshaw drivers!
    This is the only list where Anand/Vidyanagar tops it all! I was in an awe when I first shared an Auto with 8 other people with me, 9 including the driver! I mean, the drivers here are some of the most expert ones that I have come across on the globe! I was never more impressed, not even seeing the maut ka kuwa at the fair when I was a kid! :D ! Thumbs up for these people and their balls to drive a rickshaw with 9 other people! *beaming*

8. Amul - the taste of India!
    Amul dairy flourished all over India, from Anand. Yes, it was set up in Anand, and the largest factories are found here. Yet, the irony is, I could almost say that Surat has more outlets of Amul than what Anand has! In our 11 year old college campus, we now finally have a depot. Till now, we had to put up with Vadilal ice-creams! *shoots oneself*! Seriously, how would the Italians feel if Pizza was more famous in any country, other than Italy?! How would India feel if there were more Punjabi restaurants in Germany, than in India?! Huh?! :P

9. The Station..
    Anand's railway station, is as I can say, the best place and the source of attraction for me! Is it so good? NO WAYS! I only like it, because it gives me a new feeling of freedom from the gates of hell! It brings me home! And yes, not to mention only a few trains even bother to show up here, it's infamous for the rarity of trains that halt here! :P 

10. And then...come on, No shit! But are you not yet satisfied?! Do you actually want some more of it?! I am done here, and I feel so relieved showering this knowledge on people, and enriching their 9-point-tour to the city of my nightmares! (Not dreams, nightmares! :P) [Oh yes! One thing I forgot to mention is, Anand has the best drainage system I have ever seen, because even 30 minutes of rain causes overflow and road blockages!]

If you feel any sympathy for me, reading this post, then do comment; and offer your condolences! :P :D

Till my next post, 

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

The Passion of Love..

"Do you, Katherine Stevens take Mark Stanford to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others and holding only onto him?"
Katherine: "I do.."
She was just so happy being married to the man she loved the most, the man she adored and respected. The man she thought the world of, the man she cared for. The man, who in her eyes, was her Hero.

As Katherine Stanford reflected on that magical day 5 years back, when she had become a woman, a wife to the most wonderful husband that could have ever been, she was jolted back to the present. Sitting on her arm-chair, in front of the T.V. that she had turned off, tears gushed out from her eyes. She started crying like she had never cried in her life. How could it happen? How could it all go wrong, so suddenly? Was it just 2 hours before when she heard it? How could Mark leave her so empty, so alone? The voice from the T.V. started blaring like a terror tone in her ears once again, like a never ending reel of some horror film; she was still too numb in shock to believe it. Her mind was completely paralyzed. 

As, she said firmly to herself, Mark's plane could not just crash. He could not go, just like that. He could not die. Even as she said it, she knew that she was wrong, it had happened. She felt the Adam's apple rising in her throat. For Katherine, time had stopped. She wanted to disappear somewhere. She wanted to curl up into a tiny ball. She wanted to die. She didn't want to accept that Mark was gone, that his plane had crashed, that he would never come back to her. She would never see him again..

Katherine had never known that she would want someone so badly. She craved for Mark, she wanted him to come home at that very moment. She wanted him to hold her close to him, saying that everything would be alright. Katherine could hear Mark so close to her, whispering in her ears, talking to her, saying that he loved her so much.. She wanted to feel his arms around her one more time, sit next to him for hours in silence, letting their eyes speak. How she missed Mark, the way he would touch her, hug her, kiss her, console her, fondle her, love her. How she wished, to feel his stubble caressing her cheeks when he would surprisingly hug her from back. She wanted to feel him, one more last time. Katherine felt that the world had ended for her, she started sobbing uncontrollably on the pillow on which Mark used to put his head. Her mind could not come out of the situation, she knew she had lost everything. Mark not only meant a husband for her, he was her life, her magic, the reason behind her smile and her happiness. She knew she would never be happy again, she would never smile again. She knew that all her happiness was gone, vanished in thin air. Katherine felt cold, lost and incomplete. She knew that she could not survive without Mark. He was everything for her.

It slowly dawned upon Katherine, that there was no hope left, for her to see Mark again. Reality suddenly struck her like lightning. She felt a chill down her spine and her insides squirmed with agony. She was totally broken apart in pieces, realizing that she would never ever see her husband. 

Katherine Stanford, then suddenly knew what she had to do, to meet him once again.. She would see her Mark again. She saw the blade the razor with which Mark had shaved, just 8 hours before, for the last time. She detached the blade, saw their wedding photo hanging on the wall, for one last time and slashed her wrist with the blade..She could see her life flash in front of her in the final 10 seconds, could feel the blood gushing out of her body, her pulse rapidly going down. She could see Mark's face so clearly now, shining with joy, when she had told him that she was going to have a baby, 2 months back. That was the happiest she had ever seen him. It sketched the beautiful final image of Katherine's life.

2 hours later...
The telephone in the hall started ringing. It continued ringing, for Katherine was no more, to answer it. It finally went to the answering machine. It looked like someone had left one last message. It said, 

"Hello, Kathy darling. It's Mark here. I saw the dreadful news, and I just called to inform you that I am safe. I missed my flight, I could not make it to the airport. One of my friends met with an accident, so I had to rush him to the hospital.The operation lasted for 4 hours, and there was no way in which I could have called you. I called you as soon as I came to know about the mishap. I know you must be worried about me, I will be home in an hour baby. I love you, please don't worry, I am safe. Love, Mark.."

This post is for all those people who are madly, truly, completely in love. Love is the most beautiful, passionate and complete feeling in the world, but because of love, don't stop thinking. Think a thousand times before taking any wrong step. Don't hurt yourself. Don't do something, that would make you regret forever.. 

"Somethings in our life are never foreseen; but when they come, they destroy everything we ever had..that was once only ours.."